Accept things as they really are...

By G. Scott Graham, on 28-07-2008 00:00

Published in : , Conflict, tolerations and acceptance

On the Vipassana Retreat the teacher kept repeating this phrase, "Accept things as they really are not as you would like them to be."

This is not just a perspective to bring to meditation, but a perspective to bring to life. Certainly it is a perspective to bring to one's relationship.

We meet someone, fall in love, create this image of them in our heads - which may or may not match up with reality - then propose a commitment of some sort - dating, moving in together, marriage / civil union / legal agreements.

Then we create this image of a life together in our heads - which may or may not match up with reality.   We build a whole story where we are the star and all our wishes come true - which may or may not match up with reality.

If you are like most couples I know or have worked with, you don't discuss this idol you have built of your boyfriend -- you don't discuss the stage play you are writing with you as the star. But you act as if what is in your head matches up with reality. And you get so agitated whenever anything goes against this.

He is great. I just wish...

     he didn't smoke cigarettes
     he didn't smoke pot
     he'd lose weight
     he'd like dogs
     he'd share his feelings more
     he'd go out more
     he'd be into the outdoors

The list goes on.

And on.

And on.

"Accept things as they really are not as you would like them to be."

Now I am not suggesting that you turn into jelly and let your partner walk all over you. Communication & compromise are key elements in a relationship.

I am suggesting that you talk and share your images and screen plays so they match reality - working out the differences. Asserting yourself. In the infancy of your relationship. You will avoid so many problems.